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I've sworn up and down for years that I would never get high.
It's not that I judge people who do, I've just truly never had any interest in trying. I'd be handed a joint at a party and would just pass it on to the next person without a second thought.
And then one night I said, "Fuck it."
Ah, the beauty of changing your mind...
I was at a party at a friend's house and I had a massive headache. I was desperate to get rid of it and saw my opening with a joint making its rounds. When I asked my boyfriend to hand it to me, I thought he was going to fall out of his chair.
"Yeah, seriously. Let me try it."
A few puffs later my headache was gone, and I was left with that awful burning feeling in the back of my throat. However, I was far from high.
Now obviously I'm no expert on the subject, but I knew that it's not unheard of to not feel anything on your first try. I was non-discouraged and since I'd now tried it once, I was open to a potential second shot at it.
Weeks later I once again embraced the "Devil's Lettuce"... and then later another time... and another. Within the span of almost two months I'd tried varying methods and dosages, and still I was numb to the effects. It was becoming a challenge — one that I genuinely began to believe was unbeatable.
And then... we rang in the new year.
We were celebrating at a friend's house and my boyfriend brought along a few "special" cookies. I'd tried them before to no avail, but I figured I'd give it another go.
Not even an hour later we were both sitting on the couch, staring at our host's pet turtle, talking about absolute nonsense.
So yeah... turns out I'm not numb to the effects.
Since then, I've learned a lot more about marijuana use and specifically, its effects on me. I've figured out that my tolerance level is surprisingly high, which could be related to my daily medications, but I'm no doctor. I also learned that out of all the methods that are out there to get high — I much prefer edibles over anything else. I truly detest feeling like I'm setting my throat on fire every time I take a puff, and then having a coughing fit for the following 5 minutes. No thanks, I'll skip that step and eat a tolerable piece of brownie instead.
Most importantly, I realized that engaging in marijuana use does not automatically make me a bad person. Somehow, I'd been convinced in my teens that any form of drug use meant that my life would go off the rails and I'd wind up a delinquent (thanks high school). That just isn't the truth.
I'm 25, I have my dream job, a loving partner, amazing friends, and I make enough to afford a decent car and a decent place to live. I'm happy.
I've spent most of my life doing everything right. I was never out of line, never got detention or bad grades... I was barely even grounded. I was basically a parent's wet dream.
I don't regret any of it — it got me this far — but now that I'm in the place I've always wanted to be...why the hell shouldn't I have some fun? As I enter my late twenties, I'm opening myself up to more excitement and self-exploration.
In the end I got high, and it didn't change who I was, it just briefly changed how I saw things. It took my anxiety levels down and brought me out of my controlling nature for the first time. I guess the lesson learned here is that sometimes the things you're most afraid to do, can end up being the most beneficial to you.
So, did I enjoy it? Yes. Will I do it again? Absolutely.
Has this opened me up to embracing more new things in my life?