Oh Shit, Am I a Stoner?

A Love Story

Amazon searches included smell-proof weed containers and 5 piece grinders when I finally presented myself with the question, "Oh shit, am I a stoner?" 

Growing up, I was the "scared of authority but wanna be accepted" type. Coming back home from college and talking to old friends I realized, yep. I'm the only one here who smokes weed regularly. In fact, I am the only one who has experienced weed in the beautiful way I have. Clearly I am not alone, but it seems a MAJORITY of people have not been in a good healthy relationship with marijuana. 

See, when I say relationship, I mean it. Marijuana is a beautiful friendly lady. She shows you parts of yourself that already exist but a little more closely or intensely. So if you're feeling like dancing, Weed is down. She is all over it. She will pound the beats that make you bounce in your feet and chest, she will tingle the flows into your arms and remind you of the first time you heard this song. And then she'll ask you why you haven't heard it like that in a while... And maybe you'll ignore her or maybe you'll get obsessed with that question for a while...

She is looking out for what's best for you, but she is also easily influenced. So if you're prone to a little social anxiety at parties, she will ask you to try to leave but she will also get a little worried that everyone will think you can't handle yourself and they'll know you're too high, and they'll never invite you guys to anything anymore, and what if they aren't really your friends? WHAT IF YOU DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE FRIENDS? YOU CAN'T GET UP RIGHT NOW EVEN IF YOU WANTED TO.

So spiraling happens. BUT, Mary Jane is not MAKING you paranoid. YOU are making you paranoid, and she is bringing your attention to it. 

She is partnering with your impulses. Impulses are neither good nor bad, it is simply how they perceive them. So if I'm getting the munchies, sometimes I'm down. "Yes, leftovers from dinner will be sooo yummy." And sometimes, I know that this is because I have a tendency to eat while I'm bored. "Ah MJ, this is a test and I know it, am I thirsty?" Yes. Probably. 

That's how marijuana and I are beating my purging together, which is its own story and I'll tag once the journey is done and the article is written. But really I've learned a lot from weed. How to eat better, how to feel more in my body (which has helped my posture tremendously and also helped me get better at yoga), how to be more intimate with myself and others... It goes on and on.

So WHY are so many other people having such POOR experiences with weed? Why do most potheads hang out on couches, burn out dreams, and struggle to keep a minimum wage job?

Well, because it's easier. Doing the bare minimum in life is the easiest thing possible. It makes sense to wanna do it. And heck, if it's your impulse to watch Netflix and eat, you're gunna. You have to have the impulse to want to do something to do something. You have to choose to get up and take a jog, much like I have to choose not to eat the leftovers. 

Marijuana is happy to help you and be a friend, but she gets abused by people who don't understand her sometimes. She will be there for you but you have to be there for you too. 

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Oh Shit, Am I a Stoner?