My Perception on Marijuana: Then vs. Now

From a Stoner to a Moderate User

Ah, marijuana. Is it good? Is it bad? A debate that has never quite died down since it appeared in the United States in the 1930s. Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion, but fact trumps all. Both sides of the marijuana debate should know that marijuana can be both good and bad. Take it from a former stoner.

Depression, Anxiety, and Marijuana

Growing up, I saw my step father smoking marijuana as a sport (not literally, but you get my point). I didn't think much of it at the time, but as I grew older I learned my step father was deeply depressed.  

By the time I hit middle school, I had already had underwent a vast amount of pain and trauma from sexual abuse to death. My seventh grade year I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Up until my freshman year of high school, I had no healthy way to cope with all of the emotions inside of me. I tried counseling, but we all know how that ends trying to work with a stubborn child.

 Having a drug dealing boyfriend who was two years older than me had its perks, too. I feared of nothing and I smoked as much marijuana as I wanted. However, my then-boyfriend had some demons of his own. Marijuana became our muse, it become the main way we connected. It came to the point where if I didn't have it, I was horrible to be around. It came to the point where I needed it.

I was convinced marijuana was my medicine, and that something that made me feel this good could never be bad. I mean, how could it, right? But even the temporary, addicting effects of marijuana alone couldn't stop me from being suicidal or having frequent breakdowns.

New Ideas

Even after my boyfriend left, marijuana stayed with me throughout my high school career. When my sophomore year came along, I decided to use writing and music as another coping skill for my inner demons. This helped me in a huge way; I was opening myself up to more than what i was accustomed to.

I was still smoking marijuana daily, at least 3-5 times a day and it wasn't until my senior year that how much I was smoking caught up to me. What was once my pain reliever was now bringing my body pain. What was once my relaxer was now making me anxious. At first I thought "Maybe it's just this strain of marijuana," but the more I mentally tried to deny the fact that I needed to slow down, my body was suffering the consequences. 

When I first tried stopping altogether, it was super hard for me. I had horrible headaches daily and my irritation level was so disgusting it wasn't even funny. After about a week, I was able to say I wasn't even craving marijuana like I used to. I would have my days, but I definitely saw growth. I challenged myself tremendously, and proved to myself that I could be strong without marijuana. In the process of my growth, I used my writing and certain types of music to help me get through it, and I can honestly say writing is my main way to cope with any bullshit that life throws at me.

My Growth & What I've Realized

I used to think I would never in my life say this BUT... marijuana can be bad for you. Think about it, too much of anything plays a huge role in the condition of your health. We need water to survive, but too much of it could make us sick or even kill us. For you marijuana haters, I hope this read didn't make you too comfortable, because I STILL SMOKE WEED! In moderation, however, marijuana has amazing healing properties that are better than any pill out here. Why? Because it's NATURAL. Before you judge marijuana and those who use it, educate yourself some more and dig deeper.

For you marijuana lovers, especially the ones that use and abuse it to cope with emotional and mental pain, marijuana can only do so much for you. You have to put in work in order to grow and get better. The effects marijuana give you are temporary, but the work you put in along with it lasts forever.

Knowledge is key, please don't let your mind go to waste.

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My Perception on Marijuana: Then vs. Now
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