For a lot of people, smoking weed is a lifestyle choice that can make or break a person's desire to date you. Stoners usually tend to date fellow stoners because of the fact that smoking weed together can be a bonding thing.
On the other hand, non-smokers typically don't date potheads. They may view the choice to smoke in a negative way, or may worry that they'll get into legal trouble because of their partner's issues. However, most people who don't smoke keep an open mind about it; they just don't end up with a pot smoker partner.
Many would-be couples don't happen simply because non-smokers don't know how to date a stoner without having drama happen. Speaking as a stoner, here are my tips for those who want to date a pothead but don't want the drama.
First, keep an open mind and do some soul-searching.
I can't really talk about how to date a stoner when you don't smoke without bringing up the elephant in the room. You need to ask yourself why you don't smoke.
Do you hate the smell of it? Are you allergic to weed? Is it a job-related issue? Or, are you worried about the smear campaign claims that right-wing individuals claim?
If you have concerns about marijuana use on the job, it's okay to put your foot down. However, if it's mostly about the stigma, it's okay to give smoking weed a try. Who knows? You might like it.
You also may want to realize that there are risks to dating a stoner until your state's done legalizing marijuana.
It's worth pointing out that dating a cannabis user does come with risks not associated with "straight" people. Marijuana arrests still happen throughout the country, and if you're in the car while your partner is searched, you could go to jail too.
It's a small risk that is exceedingly rare, but it's something that you may want to address. My advice? Tell your partner to keep pot out of the house, and out of your car—and avoid dating a pothead that is very flamboyant about drug deals.
Though you want to date them, it's crucial to keep an eye out for red flags that suggest your partner has a problem.
Not all stoners are sweet, productive hippies with college degrees. Some have problems and are toxic to be around—and for those types, all the guides on how to date a stoner ever made will not give you a happy ending you're hoping for.
As much as I may get flak for saying this, there is a correlation between people who smoke pot and use other substances. Though unlikely, it is still possible to get addicted to pot. But, there is a big difference between dating a stoner and an addict.
If you feel like you're always coming in second place to pot, or are noticing very strange mood swings from your date, you might need to leave. Your potential partner could be dealing with an addiction that'll drag you down if you let it.
Boundaries are very important.
The biggest part of learning how to date a stoner without being a stoner is understanding boundaries. You need to explain to your partner that you have boundaries when it comes to smoking weed—and you'll need to enforce those boundaries.
Your own personal boundaries will depend on what you feel comfortable with. If you are allergic to weed, it's okay to tell them not to bring that stuff anywhere near you. It's also okay to say that you're cool with him smoking but not offering it to you.
Of course, boundaries only work if you enforce them. Make a point of putting your foot down, and if he continues to push boundaries with you, leave. He's not showing you a lot of respect by refusing to listen to you.
The biggest aspect of learning how to date a stoner is learning not to judge. Stoners, above all, hate the double standards and hypocrisy that comes from people who drink heavily then judge them for being "drug users."
Stoners have to deal with judgment and stigma all day long. They hear it from doctors, politicians, and of course, total hypocrites who insist on giving them a piece of their mind.
It's hurtful to hear that the way you unwind is "wrong." It's also pretty hurtful to tell them to quit smoking. You wouldn't want your partner to try to change you, so why would you try to push your life decisions on your partner?
Honestly, if you can't stop yourself from judging and badgering your partner to quit smoking, you probably shouldn't try to date a stoner. It won't work, and will hurt everyone involved.
Enjoy aspects of stoner culture together.
You don't have to smoke weed to find some fun in late night trips to Taco Bell or White Castle. You also don't need to be a pothead to enjoy trippy books, stoner movies, or hilarious weed podcasts featuring Cheech Marin.
Unless you're a total square, chances are high that you will have at least one element of stoner culture that you will enjoy. Indulge in it! It's a great way to bond with a stoner buddy—or a stoner lover.
Explore weed and sex together.
Part of learning how to date a stoner is understanding that each stoner will have a different reaction to weed. Some get very horny after a smoke session, while others will have their libido drop immediately after the first puff.
You will learn how weed and sex mesh together with your would-be partner fairly soon. Don't be afraid to enjoy the perks, or come up with a way to address the pitfalls. Either way, it's something you will have to deal with if you want to be compatible for the long-term.
There is some good news about this, though. A lot of people will tell you that sex is better on weed—and that means you'll be in for a lot of good times in the bedroom.
You might need to brush up on some good stoner-friendly recipes when they smoke with friends.
Stoner food is delicious, even when pot isn't one of the ingredients. The way to a stoner's heart is through their stomach, and wooing a stoner is fairly easy if you know what kind of food they get the munchies for.
My suggestion? A plate of nachos, piled high with all the fixin's. Or, better yet, be willing to drive them to 7-11 so they can find Doritos.
Don't be afraid to gift them stuff that deals with stonerdom.
When it comes to learning how to date a stoner for the long term, gift-giving will be easier than ever. Stoners are pretty simple people. Giving them anything that involves making a smoking experience better is a great way to do it.
Heck, even stoner books like the one above will fare well as a gift for Valentine's Day. Thankfully, dating a pothead means that you will never have to worry about not coming up with a gift idea for them.
Finally, you'll need to find your own way to mellow out.
The least tip I have dealing with learning how to date a stoner is learning to mimic their mellow vibes. Stoners use cannabis to unwind. You, being a nonsmoker, need to find your own path.
Yoga, meditation, a glass of wine, or even just watching cartoons are all great options. Of course, you might also just enjoy the contact high you get from being with your stoner lover.