How to Bogart a Joint

I can always remember being the guy that had to be reminded to pass the joint. I was a chronic bogarter.

Since I was a kid, smoking pot behind the gym in high school, I can always remember being the guy that had to be reminded to pass the joint. It wasn't that I was selfish, I was just stoned. I would sometimes tune out, until someone would inevitably tell me to pass the joint. There were no vapes back then, and I still enjoy a fine rolled joint from Willies Reserve. It was called a bogart because Humphrey Bogart always had a cigar dangling from his mouth.

I am a self-confessed bogarter and freely admit to hanging on to the joint for a few to many moments. Again, not really my fault but more a natural reaction. Then again, if I am honest with myself, I really did overtake, it's in my nature. People used to call it bogarting. Not sure that it really is an issue these days when there are an infinite amount of ways to smoke, eat and even bathe in marijuana, but back then, bogarters like me had to have a few tricks. They work on joints as much as they do a bag of chips or Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.


Triple Toke

This involves development of lung power. Takes a yogi level of breathing to take three tokes without everyone realizing it. Joint will rapidly disappear if bogarter is able to take two triple tokes. In through the mouth out through the nose.

Walking Off

This involves excusing yourself from the scene, literally walking off. As soon as someone passes you the joint. You can go into a corridor, adjacent room, bathroom or closet. When you return simply say, "What joint?" and be profusely apologetic. Now you just have to excuse yourself to take a call.

First Light

First say, "Let me light it." Light it, take a toke, then exhale while you still have the joint in your mouth. It will go out. Say, "It went out." Relight and repeat procedure until joint has burned down into a roach. Explanation for everyone, "That one wasn't rolled right." Be careful this should be used rarely, because eventually the guy who rolled calls you out.

Switch Seats

As soon as you get a couple of tokes, pass the joint, then change your seat to the other side of the person you have passed the joint to. Make like you need to talk to the person sitting next to them. When the joint is passed to you, in your new seat, triple take it. 

Hoarding Roaches

I used to hoard roaches. Later in life I learned roaches have almost no potency. Always try to be the one to put out the joint. Put it out when it is only half smoked and smoke the rest of it later. This works a few times before everyone starts giving you shit about it.

Paraquat Test

Say, “This pot tastes funny–do you think?” Cough uncontrollably. Volunteer to become “human guinea pig” and smoke more of the joint. Now this paraquat test, still might work today, depending on the friends and the paraphernalia. 

Slow Roll

Say “Let me roll the joint.” Take out the seeds one at a time by hand. Take at least 15 minutes to roll the joint. That's the slow part of the slow roll. As soon as one or more people walk out of the room, roll it fast and start to smoke. Of course this is out dated in a world with machines that roll the perfect joint, but it was big back in the 80s.

Raw Joint Rolling Machine

Raw Cone shooters allow you to roll your pre rolled cones in a fraction of the time that it would it take you to roll a regular rolling paper, and come equipped with a cone packer for compressing your pre-rolls. That's awesome.

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How to Bogart a Joint