God Grows His Own Ganja

In this rare and exclusive interview, God sheds light on growing his own ganja, and the notion of good and evil.

“And God said let the earth bring forth grass, and the earth brought forth grass, and God saw that it was good."

- Genesis... something or other.

What does God have to say about marijuana? For a long time all man could do was speculate. Scholars wondered aloud in great halls of study. The bible analyzed over and over again, and scripture ran through algorithms. All this to uncover any insight into gods perspective on marijuana. Fortunately. we have one of the largest archives of vintage marijuana magazines and eep in the warehouse, one of the associates uncovered a long lost interview between Marijuana Monthly and God. Apparently, God had stopped in while touring with the Grateful Dead in the 70s and gave a brief, but informative interview.

Marijuana Monthly: Undoubtedly, you are aware of certain laws prohibiting the cultivation of Cannabis Sativa in the United States of America.

God: I have not relinquished authority over laws of agriculture to any earth person or legislature.

The law, in fact, exists and is vigorously enforced.

I am the Lord thy God. Thou shalt have no strange laws before me.

I shall be more direct. It has been alleged, particularly by those in religious circles, that you are the Divine source and Creator of all living things. Is this allegation correct?

An elementary observation clearly stated by the author of Genesis.

Exactly, the growing of grass is specifically mentioned with Heavenly approval.

Grass grew with Adam and Eve in a lovely garden I called Eden.

Did Adam and Eve turn on?

There was no law against it.

What is your feeling regarding the heavy penalties imposed upon people convicted of growing grass?

No one has hassled me. It may be difficult to obtain a warrant. I am high and above temporal authority. Local police have been out of grace with me for a long while, anyway.

Why?

They laid a rather heavy trip on my only begotten son.

What specifically, did they do?

They crucified him.

Because he got high?

Because he got so many other people high: well . . . In the beginning . . . that is, following the rather distasteful episode in the Garden of Eden, the descendants of Adam and Eve fell into quarreling amongst themselves. This went on for centuries. My original intent in creating the world was something entirely different. In desperation I sent to earth my only son to spread the word. He wandered through the towns and countrysides preaching love, peace and brotherhood. He would draw huge multitudes to his sermons. They would be turned on to spectacular apparitions, divinations, resurrections and miscellaneous minor miracles. Some folks started dropping out, letting their hair grow long like him, just to follow him and dig on his rap. All this he did, without obtaining a permit from the local police. He only preached "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." They did unto him and split. Now they can all go to hell.

Does the future offer any hope?

Where there's smoke, there's hope!

Can you explain further?

As an example, look at the marijuana smokers. In my view they occupy the highest place, and my view is infinite. They do not quarrel or fight with one another. They do not trouble me with endless problems. They do not engage in the fierce rivalries of others.

Still, they are hassled and persecuted.

It is also written "Blessed are they which are hassled and persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven." 

Image via Zazzle

Do you define natural disasters as an act of God?

Natural disasters are my way of distracting people from unnatural disasters like war.

Is there no easier way?

Perhaps, but I'm growing impatient.

Have you any advice for marijuana growers?

"He that soweth the good seed is the son of man." - Matthew - Chapter Thirteen.

Where then, can we go in order to become closer to God?

As it was in the beginning, it is now and always shall be. From Eden to Gethsemane to the present you are closer to God in a garden than anywhere else on earth. "The closer we are to nature the closer we are to God." So wrote the poet Goethe.

May we move on to another line of questioning?

So be it.

If you could do anything over again, what would it be?

Everything from Genesis on. However, what is past is past, and only useful as a prologue to the future.

How do you feel about all the evil in the world?

I am against it.

Some of your bolder critics claim evil shows the flaws in your work.

Evil, like beauty is totally in the viewers eye. Ask a horned toad what is beautiful and he will point to his female with her two large, round eyes protruding from her flat head, a short snout and a squat body covered with a rough warty surface. Evil is the same. The victors in all wars assume a lofty moral stance as part of their spoils. The defeated are hung with the curse of evil. Winners write history and "history" sayeth Napoleon "is but a fable agreed upon." 

Either I want to remove evil from the world and cannot, or I can, and do not wish to; or I neither want to nor can, or I want to and can. If I neither want to nor can than I do not choose to, this would be unnatural. If I want to and can, which is the only fitting possibility for God, then from where comes all the evil on earth? Shakespeare agrees with me, "Nothing is evil but thinking makes it so." 

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