Funky Side Effects of Getting Stoned

Smoking pot is supposed to get you high, but it can also do some other fun things to you.

I never smoked pot when I was in high school. Now keep in mind, I wasn't a goody-goody, I did plenty of things that would be classified as "rebellious" or "bad," but getting stoned wasn't one of them. I think it was because my dad always told me not to and I listened to him, for the most part. My friends would get stoned and I was fine with that. I recall the dazed expression on their faces and the unmistakable smell. As for me, I would much rather do tequila shots.

Then the years passed me by, I still favored tequila and never thought about getting stoned. And suddenly, well perhaps not so suddenly, I turned 40. My friend discovered that I had never tried pot. She was shocked and a tad disappointed. Apparently, getting stoned was akin to losing your virginity and I was still considered a virgin. So on my 40th birthday, my friend took me into her backyard and it was there that I smoked my first joint. 

For those of you who recall what it was like the first time you smoked- a cigar, a cigarette or a joint-you know it can be quite comical and uncomfortable. I couldn't stop coughing and my throat felt like it was on fire. My friend couldn't stop laughing and I was just waiting to die. And then my esophagus relaxed and I tried it again. And again. All the while, waiting for the "high" that everyone spoke of. While I was waiting, my friend was still laughing and eating and laughing and eating and I was just looking at her waiting to get stoned, to feel something.

In the end, when I recall this first experience, I still cannot believe that I waited so long. Though now, when my kids ask me about weed, I can honestly tell them that I didn't smoke any in high school...that I waited until I was a grown up-or chronologically a grown up anyway. But I was still curious about what it felt like to be stoned. So I had to try it again (and again) and I asked some other friends what their reactions were to smoking. With all of that scientific research, I have compiled a few of the most common, and perhaps not so common, side effects to partaking in the use of marijuana.  If you are reading this stoned, I hope it adds to your buzz.

I am so Hungry

MUNCHIES!!!! This seems to be the most common after effect of imbibing from a bowl or breathing in a blunt. People who rarely eat anything, snack away like there is no tomorrow. The chick who helped me lose my marijuana virginity consumed more calories in 20 minutes than she had in the 10 years that I had known her! It is really an amazing phenomenon.

As for what folks chow down on? Pizza was the most popular response, followed by chips-with salsa or without, pretzels and various chocolate bars. There was the occasional desire for steak and one or two stoners enjoyed lobster.

But not everyone gets hungry. This came as no surprise to me because even though I have the propensity to eat all day long, I never had the desire to eat after smoking. Perhaps I should start smoking more and then I would lose a few pounds...

Is My Head Loose?

I must be honest, this side effect is what happens to me. After being so worried that I was never going to feel the effects of getting stoned, I finally realized that what I was feeling was me being stoned-who knew?! My head feels like it is going to fly off of my shoulders. I have been known to walk around a party with my hand on my head because I am convinced that if I let go, my head will fall off. In this same genre, stoners have reported feeling a tad dizzy, that the room is spinning, that they have trouble walking in a straight line. I have only encountered one other person that related to my head issue.

I See You, But I Can't Hear You

The room is very noisy. Tons of people, really loud music, laughing, talking, shouting and yet, you cannot hear a thing. You are standing nose to nose with your targeted hook-up-for-the-night and you can't hear anything they are saying. They can hear you, but you can't hear them. It is like your head is stuffed with cotton or someone is covering your ears with a pillow. It is like a scene in a movie where the main character is standing in the middle of a whirlwind of activity and they cannot focus on any of it. Weird. Cool. What the hell is going on? Who knows? You are stoned and this side effect is pretty common, so don't worry. There is no physiological reason why some people have this reaction, but that is one of the beauties of marijuana. Relax, let go and enjoy the ride.

Why Can't I Walk?

In my research on the topic of "side effects," I have only come across a handful of people that had this reaction. After getting a nice little buzz going, they felt they had lost their ability to walk. Since they were stoned, the panic was minimal and caused more laughter than fear, but they just hung out on the couch and waiting for the feeling to pass. The main problem being that they couldn't get up to satisfy their need for intense snacking, so they had to get by with a little help from their friends. The snacks were brought to them; Eventually, they regained their ability to walk(which they, in all likelihood, never actually lost) and all was right with their world.

I Am So Funny!

Making people laugh is a real gift. Especially when your audience thinks that you are really funny and are laughing with you and not at you. Here is the problem with being stoned-you never know the difference. The good thing? You don't really care. Everything you say is funny, everything you hear is funny and sometimes, everything you see is funny..this can get you in trouble, but it's funny, so it's all good.  One of the positive effects of smoking weed it that it relaxes you. It makes you escape from whatever harsh realities you have going on in your life. Truth be told, thinking you are funny is the best side effect of all because laughter is the best medicine.

Bea Norton
Bea Norton

Bea is a sex therapist and writer from the UK who believes any couple can have an amazing sex life if they just look past all of the things that annoy them.

Now Reading
Funky Side Effects of Getting Stoned