I used to be a stoner. I loved the way smoking made me feel. It got rid of my PTSD symptoms and anxiety and gave me an excuse to eat all the ice cream in the freezer. I also loved acid (LSD). It gave me revelations about what I was doing wrong with my life and taught me to be a better, kinder person. Also, it was fun and trippy and a blast to do with friends.
About a year ago, I decided to trip at night. This was my eighth trip, so I was completely comfortable and prepared to be awake for at least 12 hours tripping balls. The trip itself was fairly normal, although I did see an alien spirit try to lift me out of my bed and into his world, and I did become convinced I was no longer human. Once the trip was over, at about 6 or 7 in the morning, I tried to go to sleep. However, everyone who's done acid knows that you usually need a few hours to decompress and evaluate all the things you've felt and seen.
I ended up not falling asleep until late into the following night, and by that point I hadn't slept for around 40 hours. Normally I'm able to nap during the day following a night trip, but this time I just couldn't. I felt strange the whole day, almost out of my mind and delirious. It felt like the trip was continuing, and it had turned bad. I was a little panicky and couldn't think straight. I didn't feel human.
Since LSD was first synthesized in 1938 by Swiss chemist Albert Hoffman, it's been studied by dozens if not hundreds of scientists eager to learn about its healing properties. It is known that many parts of the brain, not just the visual cortex, are involved in visual processing when a subject ingests LSD, and this is what causes visual hallucinations. What's not known in as much detail is how exactly the pathways of brain communication are altered during and after a trip. In 2018, a study showed that brains on acid were observed to actually produce harmonious waves similar to sound wave harmonies from a musical instrument. These harmonies meant that different parts of the brain that would normally work separately worked together, and this change in brain activity continued even after the trip had ended.
I believe that something during that trip altered some pathway in my brain that processes THC and CBD, the two main ingredients in a good batch of marijuana.
After that trip, smoking weed became an anxiety-producing ordeal that just wasn't fun anymore. It became an experience of paranoia and self-hatred, and felt a lot more like a bad acid trip than a relaxing smoke sesh. I was constantly scared that everyone would know I was high and that I would sound weird or incoherent. Ironically, being paranoid made me more incoherent than I would have probably been if I'd just relaxed.
These days, smoking is a rare occasion for me, which makes me sad. Weed truly helped with my anxiety and was just a fun time. My anxiety is coming back, and I don't have an easy way out anymore.
Obviously, I don't know for sure that that one trip caused my relationship with weed to change. All I know is that before my eighth trip, I loved smoking, and after my eighth trip, I hated it. I'd love to know if that acid was bad acid, or if it changed my brain structure in a way that caused me to dislike weed, or if it was combination of no sleep and a long trip. Probably, it's all three.
Currently, I'm still dropping acid, because it's opened those doors of perception that are so precious and beautiful to walk through.
I just want a joint.
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