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Best Greco-Roman Action Films to Watch Stoned

As genres go, Greco-Roman action films have been entertaining stoners since the original 'Clash of the Titans.'

There are several movies, stoned or otherwise, that everyone just loves to watch--and Greco-Roman films, while maybe not the first choice for your action film viewing pleasure, remain some of the coolest, hyper-masculine movies to watch. Who hasn't woken up with that vague dream of confronting legions of soldiers with nothing but a gladius, your shield, and the brothers-in-arms at your side?

The epic scale of war in the days before Christ leave countless viewers longing for the days of swords and sandals. But, while it may be true that Greco-Roman films are epic and awesome while under normal circumstances, they may prove even more incredible under the influence of marijuana--while high--while stoned.

Immortals

This modern action film stars Superman star Henry Cavill as Theseus, the immortal demi-god sent out to cut down the forces of darkness using only his sword. The hyper-stylized film may be a bombardment to sober senses when you first watch it, with 300-esque fight scenes and over-the-top action sequences.

Add some pot, however, and this movie becomes a completely different experience. Being stoned while watching the fights will leave you either cracking Superman-in-Sandles jokes, or leave you stunned to the insanity transpiring on-screen.

Immortals Trailer

Clash of the Titans (1981)

The final film featuring Ray Harryhausen special effects, Clash of the Titans features the hero Perseus on a quest to save a princess from the evil Kraken. In the process, he must kill the wicked Medusa, confront witches, overcome great forces of evil, and ride the mighty Pegasus into battle.

While the remake is a stunning experience to watch, the original is the better film. The effects are very dated, but that adds to the sort of surreal feel of the film. Harryhausen's stop-motion effects are incredible from a technical standpoint, but may actually be believable while totally stoned. It'll certainly make the rather tense scene with Medusa more intense.

Clash of the Titans (1981) Trailer

Troy

Director Wolfgang Petersen's interpretation of the Trojan War--attempting to capture the realism of Homer's Illiad--proves to be both epic and awe-inspiring. Featuring a massive cast of actors filling out the numerous mythological and historical figures in the war, Troy depicts the events as any epic war film...

But you don't care about accuracy. You care about what this movie is like to watch while stoned. And it is glorious. You will feel as though you are in the middle of the battle with the soldiers, carving through the grit and grime of the scene with the rest of them. You may lose yourself to the narrative, and, ultimately, have a good time.

Troy Trailer

Jason and the Argonauts

Jason's throne had been taken from him long ago by a wicked warlord. In order to win back his throne, he must retrieve the Golden Fleece at the edge of the world. To do so, he assembles a legion of the world's greatest heroes--including the mighty Hercules himself! Along the way, he fights harpies, giant colossi, a hydra, and an army of skeletons!

Ray Harryhausen is one of the greats in the field of special effects. While Clash of the Titans was his final effort, Jason and the Argonauts may be his crowning achievement. His efforts in both films may appear dated now... but I guarantee you that getting stoned will help you overlook the dated effects, and relive the effects in the mindset those living in the sixties had when they first watched Jason trade blows with a skeleton army.

I repeat: a skeleton army. You need no more reason to watch this film than that.

Jason and the Argonauts Trailer

Hercules

Hercules--legendary hero. Classic figure of Greek Mythology. While there are numerous Greco-Roman movies featuring this classic hero, this may be the best to watch while stoned... that or the Disney film, but, again, you've probably seen that one.

This one features The Rock himself as Hercules, finding joy only in combat following his Twelve Labors and the loss of his family. While the film is goofy, that's part of the charm. It tries to be really epic, and, whether or not it succeeds, it is fun. Sometimes, flawed films are the best to watch under the influence of weed or alcohol, and this film is no exception.

Hercules Trailer

Spartacus

Stanley Kubrick directs Kirk Douglas, Laurence Olivier and Jean Simmons in this Academy Award-winning classic. This true story about a real-life Gladiator rebellion results in one of the most epic films ever produced ever, let alone Greco-Roman films.

You've probably seen this film in school, but, if not, rest assured that you are in for a treat. Kubrick's films in general are better stoned, but this particular film is one of his more straight-forward narratives. It is at once intense, character driven, and, in the infamous "I am Spartacus!" scene, almost tragic.

Spartacus Trailer

300

"Madness....? THIS--IS--SPARTA!!!"

You were quoting it when you got here. Admit it. You've seen 300. This was probably the first film you thought of when you clicked on this list of Greco-Roman films (other than maybe Gladiator). This film, based on the Frank Miller comic of the same name, depicts a Spartan soldier telling an embellished version of the Battle of Thermopylae to inspire more soldiers to take down the Persians. 

Either that, or someone needs to tell Zack Snyder and Frank Miller that, no, the Persian Empire did not have giants and ethnic-stereotypes in their army.

I kid. This movie is a hell of a good time. When stoned, of course, the more outlandish qualities will only be more stunning to take in. Watch this comic book come to life, and have a great time.

300 Trailer

Caligula (1979)

This movie is one of the biggest messes in cinematic history. 

This bizarre combination of Shakespearean actors and Penthouse smut led to almost every director and writer involved with the project dropping out, many of the actors renouncing the project, and countless recuts that attempt to salvage this insanity of a movie. Arguably, the story behind this movie is more interesting than the film itself.

But, like most great train wrecks, you can't stop watching it! It truly is a disaster, but, under the right mindset (read: stoned) this Greco-Roman film is truly something entrancing. Maybe you can enjoy this film despite its rough edges. Maybe you can experience something beyond the conventional levels of entertainment in this film. Maybe you might find something worth watching.

Or you'll just be stunned that Alex from A Clockwork Orange is walking through a hall of debauchery while ordering people's heads to be mowed off by a piece of technology that didn't exist back in Roman times.

Alexander

Oliver Stone's epic (blunder) tells the tale of Alexander the Great, conquerer of most of the world. The film is... controversial. Some hail it as an unsung masterpiece of Greco-Roman filmmaking, while others find it supremely boring and dull. There are a number of alternate cuts of the film, and all of them create a different experience for the audience.

Though only those who are stoned may be able to enjoy the core element of this film that so many are either too bored or too in awe to notice: Alexander and his mom are really incesty. When stoned, this will weird you out so much that you and your friends may find entertainment in Angelina Jolie's bizarre and incesty performance.

Alexander Trailer

King Arthur

This film is not Greco-Roman. It takes place in England following the fall of Rome. However, this film has more in common with Ridley Scott's Gladiator than it does with any other version of the Arthurian Legends that you are familiar with.

The epic story portrays a "realistic" interpretation of King Arthur, one that tries to reinterpret the myths and legends in a more tangible, logical manner. Whether or not it succeeds is debatable. But, if you're stoned, you might not really care. It is, however, an intense film with some pretty sweet action. The kind of stuff you can sit back and enjoy.

King Arthur Trailer

Centurion

In this hyper-brutal film by the director of Dog Soldiers and The Descent, Roman soldiers are caught behind enemy lines, and must carve their way back home. Some Greco-Roman films are nuanced, epic films about human nature in the face of great danger. Others hope to relay the grand lifestyle of an empire since passed.

This film just wants to be the most metal film you've seen all year. Gory fights, brutal battles, and all with Magneto himself, Michael Fassbender, at the forefront. Invite some friends, get some drinks, and get stoned for a damn good time.

Centurion Trailer

Gladiator

Do I have to summarize this one? If you've seen a Greco-Roman film, you've seen this movie. This or 300, anyway.

Maximus was a Roman General, but, following the death of Marcus Aurelius, is sentenced to death by the new Emperor, Commodus. Maximus's family is slaughtered. His only option: join the gladiators, fight for his freedom, and bring down Commodus from inside Rome.

Ridley Scott's greatest swords-and-sandles film, this movie is great under any circumstances. Stoned? Sober? Drunk? Who cares. There is no reason not to watch this movie. 

Gladiator Trailer

Kingdom of Heaven

The Crusades ravaged the Middle East for years. Following the first Crusades, the Arabic nations were occupied by European leaders, leaving the people ravaged but Europe richer. A young soldier takes a stand to defend the put-upon people with his sword.

Playing fast and loose with history, this Greco-Roman inspired film (it takes place long after the fall of Rome) is most enjoyable when a little stoned. After all, there are certain ridiculous things about this movie that cannot be really enjoyed while under any sane state of mind. Our hero, played by Orlando Bloom, is a little... too perfect. He can do it all! Then again, when your daddy is Liam Neeson, maybe that makes sense.

I recommend the Director's Cut version of the film, as the version that made it to theaters is almost unwatchable.

Kingdom of Heaven Trailer

Alone Against Rome

A Roman Consul stations soldiers in a small town as he marches up against an enemy. The townspeople, displeased but resigned, cooperate. But it soon becomes apparent that the soldiers are cruel, and inflict cruelty and savagery upon the townspeople.

This Greco-Roman film comes from Rome itself--Italy. It is an attempt at a Roman horror film. It is also quite silly. With a film like this, you need to be stoned to make the most of it. 

Rome Against Rome Ambush Scene

Ben-Hur

Ben-Hur is commonly regarded as one of the greatest films ever made. I admit, this is partially here because it is just a great movie. Regardless of stoned or otherwise, this Greco-Roman epic is just a masterpiece that must be seen to be believed.

Will the complicated, sometimes slow-moving plot be more understandable while high? Probably not. Will you be able to overlook the effects of time and the incredibly long running time to enjoy a beautiful film? Almost certainly.

Ben-Hur Trailer

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